You're nobody 'til somebody loves you

Ever since the demise of my last relationship I always knew I was going to struggle to trust someone again. At least, trust them enough to actually consider fully committing to a relationship. What I didn't expect, was to end up being given an eye-opener into just how little you can trust people, or rather, men.

My love life hasn't exactly been something to get excited about recently, it's been months since I even kissed someone and living back with your parents, as I'm sure many of you will know, makes romance a pretty difficult subject.

This isn't to say I've completely alienated all men from my life, I keep in contact, I chat, I flirt a little. Harmless, most of it and nothing that is really expected to be taken any further. However something that seems to be a reoccurring issue, is that I am then discovering that while they are telling me they wouldn't mind cuddling up to me, taking me to dinner or something more, at the end of the day they are in fact, crawling into bed with their girlfriends.

It's not that this has happened once either, I'm nearly able to move onto my second hand to count how many have been doing this.

Luckily I've learnt not to wear my heart on my sleeve, and keep people at arm's length, so emotionally it hasn't effected me. But it has left me with the question - how am I ever meant to trust a guy again if all I am experiencing is them flirting with other girls when they're in relationships?

I don't want to be this ice queen forever, I'd like to find someone I am compatible with. But, quite frankly this experience is only making me want to close myself off further, because once you open up you become vulnerable and it would appear that, that's when people start taking you for granted.

And remember, you will always get found out, always.

Top 10 Best Things About Being Single

1. Your bed is yours and you do what you want in it. (Fart, work, eat, spill crumbs, starfish, dribble... do your WORST)

2. Granny pants? Check. Top knot? Check. Band tshirt with a million holes and stains? Check. Fucks given? None.

3. "Ooooooh, look at him! And him! And him over there! Oh my GOD look at HIM" *drools*

4. You can go out when you want, with who you want and spend ALL your money on yourself!

5. You don't have to have a forced conversation about just how boring each others days were and what you want for dinner.

6. All those horrific feelings of worry and jealousy are replaced by content and self-appreciation.

7. No having to sit and watch Call of Duty for the millionth time.

8. Watching Made In Chelsea for the millionth time.

9. You've listened to that One Direction song ten times today already? Go on, play it another five.

10. Want to travel? Dream of moving to the city? Job offer you can't refuse? There's nothing holding you back. GO YOU!

One negative of being single?

No sex cuddles on tap. 

"You're too fussy"

Since the demise of my last relationship, I've 'tested' different types of men. I'd had a type for so long, so surely now, in my new lease of singledom, was the time to see just what sort of fish were swimming about in the sea.

There was the blonde co-worker (I prefer dark hair), the posh boy who wore nothing but Jack Wills, the one's that smoked & the one's that were clean shaven. None of whom made it further than a bit of a fumble. The closest I got was the guy who resembled Ryan Gosling and saved lives for a living, (no seriously, he was a paramedic), sounds like a dream right? No. After a few months he started getting feelings and I ran away screaming like I did when I was three and thought a bear was running at me from the woods.... It turned out to be my godfather in a costume, but that's not the point.

That's not saying any of these particular suiters were interested in more, a few had suggested we 'make things work' but I'd always find something I disliked about them to prove why we wouldn't be good together. Scaredy cat? Me? NEVER.

After discussing each man in turn with my flatmates and listing off all the reasons why they are wrong for me, I am often greeted with the response, "you're just too fussy".

Am I? Is it wrong for me to be fussy? After having my heart shrivel up into nothing, I told myself to not open it back up to anyone unless I really thought they were worth the risk. So, obviously, with this in mind I formed a mental list of the features my ideal man would have:

Non-smoker, no dodgy accents (Welsh & West Country are acceptable), facial hair, brown hair, has a job, can drive, enjoys the countryside and the sea, enjoys music in all aspects, taller than me, a few years older and who can deal with the amount of time I spend behind my laptop working. *

Is that too fussy? I've stumbled across guys that fit a few of these desires, but fall short at others (pun possibly intended).

Am I wrong for kissing a few frogs in the hope I'll find a dashing prince some day? I don't want to settle for just any old fella who might make me happy. I want to feel that tingly feeling in my tummy when I know it's right. I just haven't had that yet.

If you fit any of the above features, please contact me, asap.


*unless you're Ben Howard then none of these apply.