"You're too fussy"

Since the demise of my last relationship, I've 'tested' different types of men. I'd had a type for so long, so surely now, in my new lease of singledom, was the time to see just what sort of fish were swimming about in the sea.

There was the blonde co-worker (I prefer dark hair), the posh boy who wore nothing but Jack Wills, the one's that smoked & the one's that were clean shaven. None of whom made it further than a bit of a fumble. The closest I got was the guy who resembled Ryan Gosling and saved lives for a living, (no seriously, he was a paramedic), sounds like a dream right? No. After a few months he started getting feelings and I ran away screaming like I did when I was three and thought a bear was running at me from the woods.... It turned out to be my godfather in a costume, but that's not the point.

That's not saying any of these particular suiters were interested in more, a few had suggested we 'make things work' but I'd always find something I disliked about them to prove why we wouldn't be good together. Scaredy cat? Me? NEVER.

After discussing each man in turn with my flatmates and listing off all the reasons why they are wrong for me, I am often greeted with the response, "you're just too fussy".

Am I? Is it wrong for me to be fussy? After having my heart shrivel up into nothing, I told myself to not open it back up to anyone unless I really thought they were worth the risk. So, obviously, with this in mind I formed a mental list of the features my ideal man would have:

Non-smoker, no dodgy accents (Welsh & West Country are acceptable), facial hair, brown hair, has a job, can drive, enjoys the countryside and the sea, enjoys music in all aspects, taller than me, a few years older and who can deal with the amount of time I spend behind my laptop working. *

Is that too fussy? I've stumbled across guys that fit a few of these desires, but fall short at others (pun possibly intended).

Am I wrong for kissing a few frogs in the hope I'll find a dashing prince some day? I don't want to settle for just any old fella who might make me happy. I want to feel that tingly feeling in my tummy when I know it's right. I just haven't had that yet.

If you fit any of the above features, please contact me, asap.


*unless you're Ben Howard then none of these apply.

London, the city of Love...

Yesterday I hopped on a train up to the capital to meet some good friends of mine and have a generally nice day out wandering around and catching up over some drinks, (a few too many possibly). Which, is actually exactly what happened and I had a fabulous day full of laughter and embarrassing myself infront of a celebrity in Liberty's. Perfect.

What I wasn't expecting, however, was a man practically jumping on me whilst walking down Oxford Street. There I was in my own little world, making my way to Topshop to meet my friend, when this man pops up infront of me and stops me dead in my tracks.

"Hello?" I ask, with confusion.

The next five minutes went a little something like this:

"Hi, I know this is really random, but I had to come up and stop you and let you know how beautiful you look... you look awesome."

"Urm, thanks?"

"Sorry, I know this is random but I had to tell you how cute you looked. Where are you from? Are you at University? What do you do in Portsmouth? I can tell by looking in your eyes right now there's so much more to you."

The above questions were filled with lots of err's and umm's whilst I awkwardly try to form a brief conversation with this stranger. Now, when writing this down, this could be the perfect movie meet-cute, a tall dark handsome stranger stops a young girl to tell her how beautiful she is. However all I felt was serious awkwardness with this man, who I am sorry to say was not attractive, in my opinion anyway. I simply told him I was flattered but I really had to dash and declined his invite of a phone number.

This is the first time something such as this has happened to me and I honestly had no idea what to do with myself or how to handle the situation. Though kudos to this man, it takes balls to approach a random girl in such a way, maybe one day he'll stop the right one and they'll live happy ever after. That or he'll receive a restraining order from someone. Let's hope it's the first eh?

The Back Story.

Once upon a time...

Dear reader,

There once was a young girl, 

Okay, let's forget the stupid starting lines. Behind every blog is a story, a reason why it came about in the first place and you, as readers will want to know that story. This is mine.

I've been in three, what I'd call, fairly serious relationships. Though looking at some people's relationships they seem exceedingly brief. The first beginning when I was 15, young love as they say. It lasted a whole 19 months before the long distance grew too much, money became a need and growing up and apart began to happen.

The second - the college years. A friend of a friend. My longest relationship to date. It was full of emotion, sometimes too much, a little immature you could say, but it worked for a while. My mother approved and we were happy for nearly two years. Then my old friend University popped up, I grew and changed as a person very quickly, he didn't. Our lives became more and more mismatched and I fell out of love just as quickly as I fell into it.

The third - the one that possibly shouldn't have been. I'm not one to regret, in fact I don't think I regret anything I've done in my life. He was the local DJ, I was a university fresher having the time of her life. We had some fun and then BOOM, that bundle of love got thrown right at us. It was up and down for the best part of 18months, too much emotion and sensitivity and a misunderstanding of how each others lives worked. We were different but wanted to be the same. I wanted to make his life better, he wanted to show me the world isn't so great. The optimist and the pessimist. It all came to a spiteful end in October 2011, strong language was used and anger filled me up in places I didn't think it could. The girl who used to wear her heart on her sleeve was now shoving it deep into a box and locking it away for as long as physically possible.

And here I am. I always thought I'd be the one jumping from relationship to relationship, never having much time to be single, I didn't want all that anyway. It's funny how you change in the space of a few months, how your opinions change and your morals? Pah, nobody wants those.

I was a solid ice queen for a year or so. It's only been recently that the silly old heart of mine has been bashing against the lock on the box trying to escape and have another chance. I just don't know if I'm ready to let it out yet.

Why?

I've been debating this little space on the internet for a while, should I really post emotions and feelings (yuck) up on the internet for all to see?

But over the past few months I have found myself rambling on about life and the drama that comes along with it, to my friends. I'm grateful to have them listening, but sometimes it's just easier to scribble/type everything you need to say down.

I don't intend for this blog to be all "OH MY GOD I'VE BEEN SINGLE SO LONG, WOE IS ME, NOBODY LOVES ME, I HATE THIS" and so on. Because quite frankly, it's only occasionally I feel this way, the rest of the time I get on with my life just like any other day.

This is just a space for me, to openly share my thoughts on the good and the bad, the high's and low's of being a single twenty-something female trying to stumble across the perfect career and attempting to fit every piece of the 'Happy Ever After' puzzle together. It may take some time.

"Lust is just a child's game and you, you were always late to bloom."