"I'd rather be a bit squishy then spending 5 days a week at a gym"

I've been a size 12 since I was around 16, gaining and losing a few pounds here and there, but always a size 12. I've got a bit of an odd body shape, imagine getting a ball of dough and squashing it with the palm of your hand, that's me. I'm wide, I have big hips, bum and thighs, but I am flat. I don't have much of a tummy and my boobs are of average size, a nice handful.

I've tried diets over the years, I've tried getting into running - but I'm not someone to continue something they don't enjoy. I don't enjoy running, or other athletic sports for that matter, I can't even afford a gym membership. What I do enjoy is swimming and surfing, rock climbing and roller blading, adventurous sports. Not the most accessible of sports at the best of times.

I also like food, I love tasting new flavours and trying new things. This isn't to say you'll find me devouring a whole pot of ice cream in one go or binging on burgers. I know what's good and bad for me, I know what my portion sizes should be, do I indulge every now and then? Of course I do, who doesn't? My weakness is biscuits, I bloody love those things!

But still most days, I find myself looking in the mirror going, "why can't this bit be smaller?"... "why do my hips have to be so round?"... "why can't I look like her, or her?"... "how is anyone going to fall for me if my thighs are this big?"

I've not exactly been lacking in male attention over the past year or so, I've had compliments about the parts of me I hate the most. Yet I still can't knock these hatred thoughts from my head, please do not get this wrong, I'm not throwing a line into the sea awaiting you all to compliment the shit out of me. It's just been one of those days where I can't look at any part of me and think it looks good. It also doesn't help that I have a magazine next to me with Alexa stick thin Chung on the front cover.

But why? Why do I and so many others do this too ourselves? I tell myself frequently that I should shed the flabby bits, but then I'm split in thinking I'm going to be bloody miserable while I do it and will I really be happy by the end of it?

I have friends who are squishy and I have friends who are tiny, all of whom seem happy with themselves. I guess I just need some tips in having a body boost, any ideas?

I'm now going to go open that packet of hobnobs and bloody enjoy them.